Who is Stopping You? (Part Three)
Do you know someone who appears kind and polite, but makes your work and life difficult? This person may be an antisocial person. He or she can make you feel like you are riding a roller coaster.
You feel good one day and bad the next. You are productive and efficient one week, but then waste time and get nothing done the next week. Your mood goes up and down, apparently with no explanation.
Abraham Lincoln was known for his mood swings. Sometimes he was energetic, ambitious and cheerful. Other times, he was withdrawn, exhausted and unable to sleep. Winston Churchill was also on a roller coaster: forceful, energized and brilliant one day, depressed and drinking the next. Imagine how much more these men would have accomplished if they had been more stable. They did not recognize nor handle the antisocial people around them.
Businesses are also prone to ups and downs because of antisocial people. One week your productivity and income are doing very well. The next, you have major problems.
Marriages and families can go through the same ride. Happy and loving one month, unfriendly and argumentative the next month. If this happens to you, someone may be secretly messing up your family and marriage.
Luckily, you can handle the negative people in your life. You can take control of your progress. You can have a stable, steadily improving business, career, marriage, family and life.
The first step is to recognize who is causing you trouble and what they are up to.
In two previous articles, we outlined three characteristics of the Antisocial Personality. (See links below.)
Characteristic #4
"4. A characteristic, and one of the sad things about an antisocial personality, is that it does not respond to treatment or reform. . . ." -- L. Ron Hubbard
For example, while most people find a walk to be refreshing, even therapeutic, an antisocial person complains about walks. "I don't enjoy walks . . . just look at all that polluted air . . . the city needs to do something about those weeds . . . you shouldn't be outside for so long."
Improving life circumstances, like moving to a better home or learning a new skill, makes most people happier, but not an antisocial. He or she does not change for the better. No matter how hard you try to help the antisocial person's performance, work skills or productivity, nothing changes.
You can waste years trying to make an antisocial kind, considerate or supportive, with no change. For example, antisocials will beat their wives or kids until someone threatens them. They pretend they have changed and then start the beatings again.
The antisocial is the constant complainer; the critic who is never happy; the whiner who threatens to leave you. He or she acts kind and thoughtful . . . while stabbing you in the back.
If you open your eyes and face the truth, you eventually realize you cannot help the person, no matter how hard you try.
The opposite characteristic is true of the social personality.
"It is often enough to point out unwanted conduct to a social personality to completely alter it for the better." -- L. Ron Hubbard
For example, you say, "Ed, you won't stay married for long if you yell at your wife." Ed says, "Oh, yea, you're right. I'm sorry." Because Ed is a social person, he no longer yells at his wife.
Employees, bosses and coworkers, who are social personalities, are fun to work with. They are considerate and kind. They change and improve themselves.
For example, a telephone company gives people-skills training to its employees. Each employee can learn how to provide better service to customers. Social personalities enjoy the training and improve their work skills. Antisocial personalities complain about the training and, if forced to do the training, show no improvement.
If you supervise a social employee, correction is simple. "Sally, please don't use your computer for personal shopping." Sally says, "Okay" and stops shopping with her computer from then on.
Are You an Antisocial Person?
"Self-criticism is a luxury the antisocial cannot afford." "Only the sane, well-balanced person tries to correct his conduct." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Do you criticize yourself and try to correct your behavior? If so, you are not antisocial.
For example, a father finds a broken vase and asks his 7-year-old son, "Who broke the vase? Did you break it?" His son says, "No, I didn't!" The father gets angry and spanks him for breaking a vase and lying about it.
His wife comes into the room with a broom and says, "I need to clean up the vase I broke."
The social person would say, "Son, I'm sorry for not believing you. I'll be more trusting in the future. I owe you a big pizza and ice cream, okay?"
The antisocial personality would say, "The kid deserved the spanking for something else he probably did. You need to show these kids who the boss is."
Just about anyone can be made to act like an antisocial if he or she is pushed hard enough by an antisocial. For example, antisocial parents teach their children to be antisocial. The key is whether or not the person easily changes to a social personality, once he or she realizes the truth.
If you want to improve your conduct, you will. You have a social personality!
To read "Who is Stopping You? (Part One)," go to Who is Stopping You? (Part 1)
To read "Who is Stopping You? (Part Two)," go to Who is Stopping You? (Part 2)
To read "Who is Stopping You? (Part Four)," go to Who Is Stopping You? (Part 4)